Hard Does Not Mean Bad: Reclaiming Marriage from the Culture

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Matthias and Emma, what are you doing here today? Don’t you know that you are too young to get married? You are not even old enough to drink a beer or rent a car.

Now, speaking of being young, shouldn’t you be out having fun, perhaps traveling and partying?  That is to say: why would you want to tie yourself down with marriage?  Shouldn’t you instead date around, have a little sex, and figure out who you are? You don’t want to wake up at 30 years old and feel like you missed out on your twenties, do you?  

Matthias and Emma, maybe you are looking at this the wrong way in the first place. Why rush into marriage at all? Why not just live together? You know, move in, get a dog, save some money, and don’t tie yourself down legally. Then, if it works out great – if not, oh well.  

And Emma, what is this that we have heard? You can’t wait to have babies? Emma, don’t you know that babies are going to make you lose out on freedom? And Matthias, haven’t you heard that babies are expensive? You need to make tons of money and buy a huge house first. So no, don’t even think about babies. They ruin plans and drain wallets.

* * *

Matthias and Emma, I am sure that you have heard these comments over the last several months of your engagement. If you have, you are not alone. Truth be told, my wife and I heard these same comments 27 years ago. And get this, every young couple that I have counseled and officiated weddings for over the last 21 years has heard the same thing from our culture as well: marriage will hold you back, and children are a terrible burden, but the good life is found by keeping your options open.

Please know I am not sharing this to rage-bait you or settle a score.  Instead, I am sharing this because it should make you and all of us grieve and lament.  

Matthias, Emma, Family, and Friends, we should lament when we hear or think these things about marriage, babies, and family because what is essentially being implied is that marriage is bad, babies are burdens, and family is something to be avoided. And for that we should cry a thousand tears, saying, 

“Lord, have mercy.”

But some people will respond today, saying, 

“Isn’t marriage difficult? Isn’t marriage hard?”

Of course, marriage is difficult and hard! The Lord God has never said that marriage is easy. 

You see, the crux of the problem is not that marriage is difficult. The problem is that in our culture we have come to equate hard and difficult things with evil and bad things. Indeed, in our culture, whatever is hard, whatever causes pain, and whatever demands sacrifice is often viewed as bad. 

Matthias and Emma, as you already know from your premarital counseling, marriage is not easy. It is a life of repentance and forgiveness, sacrifice and joy. Marriage is war against the sinful nature within you and peace received through the forgiveness of sins.  

And so, Matthias, as you step into the holy estate of marriage today, you are becoming a husband. And to be a husband – listen carefully - you are promising this day to give up everything for your Emma, even if that means shedding your own blood and dying for her. Is that easy? No, it is not.  

And Emma, today you are stepping into the holy estate of marriage as well. You are becoming a wife. And to be a wife – listen carefully - you are promising this day that you will submit to Matthias – to honor him, respect him, and follow his godly leadership. Is this easy? No, it is not.

You see, being a husband and wife is not about getting your own way. Both of these callings call you away from yourself and toward the spouse whom God places before you in love and service.

But here is the catch: even though this is extremely difficult, even though marriage calls both of you to die to yourselves in distinct ways, marriage is still good.

Consider our Old Testament reading from Psalm 128:

“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house, and your children will be like olive shoots around your table.”

Think about that. God describes a wife and children not as obstacles or burdens that get in the way of the good life, but as blessings. Yes, children and family are good.  

But what would that look like today? It would look like a crowded dinner table with spilled milk and crumbs on the floor. It would look like diapers overflowing the trash, laundry piled up, toys scattered on the floor, sleepless nights, birthdays, baptisms, bruised knees, and mouths to feed. 

Keep in mind that the world looks at all of this and says,

“What a burden. What a ball-and-chain!”

But the Lord God looks at all of this and says,

“Blessing! Goodness! Joy!”

Consider also our reading from the Epistle of Hebrews; it says that the marriage bed is to be undefiled. In other words, sexual intimacy is not something to be dragged outside of marriage and used as an experiment to see whether two people are compatible. 

Now, the world hears this and says,

“What backward, old-fashioned thinking.”

But the Lord looks at the marriage bed and says,

“The sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is a gift of marriage.  It is good, which is why it should be cherished, protected, and undefiled.”

And then think about the words from the liturgical verse,

“It is not good that the man should be alone.”

Matthias, notice that the Lord looks at Adam, who is all alone, and says, 

“This is not good.” 

And so He gives Adam his wife,  Eve.  Matthias, the Lord God gives you Emma as a gift to walk beside you in this life because it is not good for you to be alone.  

And then, let’s consider our Gospel reading from the Apostle John.  Jesus does not avoid the wedding in Cana or despise it. No, Jesus blesses the marriage with His presence. And when the wine runs out, Jesus miraculously changes water to wine.

So, what’s the point being made today?  

Matthias and Emma, listen carefully: marriage is not a curse. Marriage is not bad.  Instead, marriage is a gift. It is good.  And so, what you enter into today is good, right, and salutary. Marriage is good because the Lord God established it – for you to not be alone in this difficult life. It is right because the Lord God has ordered it – for you to have the blessing of a family. And it is salutary because within marriage you both will be called away from yourselves and toward one another in love, sacrifice, respect, repentance, and forgiveness in the name of Jesus.

Now, does that mean that after today, everything will be perfect and easy? 

Of course not. You are both sinners, and sinners sin. 

Matthias, you will sin against Emma. Emma, you will sin against Matthias. You will have arguments. You will have misunderstandings, frustration, and disappointment.

And this is why your marriage cannot rest on your feelings, compatibility, determination, or even your perceived ability to keep the promises you make today.  All of these will fade and falter!  

Matthias and Emma, hear this loud and clear: your marriage must rest upon Christ.  

You see, Matthias, when you fail to love your wife as you ought – know this: you have the forgiveness of Christ.

And Emma, when you fail to respect and love your husband as you ought – know this: you have the forgiveness of Christ. 

And together, when your marriage is bruised by sin, you can return again and again to the Lord’s Holy Table to receive together - as husband and wife - the body and blood of Christ for the strengthening of your faith towards God and love for each other.  Matthias and Emma – hear this today: your hope is outside of yourselves. It is not found in how strongly you love, how perfectly you forgive, or how successfully you fulfill your vocations. Your hope is Christ crucified and risen – for you.

And so today, Matthias, Emma, Family, and friends: Rejoice! Rejoice in the gift of marriage.  And above all, Matthias and Emma, rejoice that the same Jesus who was present at the wedding at Cana is present for you as well. For when your strength fails, His mercy does not. When your patience runs thin, His forgiveness remains. And when you discover again and again that marriage is difficult, remember again and again that difficult does not mean bad. Marriage is good; marriage is a gift for you. 

Now, arise with joy and take your places in this most holy estate of Marriage that the Lord has established for you – as a gift.    

In the name of Jesus. Amen.