What Makes A Marriage?
Text: Ephesians 5:22-33
In the
name of Jesus. Amen.
In our
Epistle reading from Ephesians, St. Paul says that marriage is like a ‘profound
mystery.”
But
what can be so profound about marriage? Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy
gives girl ring, they get married and live happily ever after. Right?
Well, no.
You
see, when a boy and girl get married, they do not form a marriage. Dear
friends, I certainly do not intend to be rude, but when you and your spouse stood
at an altar before a pastor and said, “I do,” a marriage was not created. But rather, through the vows and the “I
do’s,” you stepped into the estate of marriage.
Let me repeat that, every time there is a wedding, a marriage is not
created. But instead, a single man and a
single woman take their place in this profound institution of marriage that God
established at the beginning of time.
And
so, contrary what the wedding magazines and Hollywood Movies say, a wedding day
is not solely about the bride – it isn’t the bride’s day. The bride, with her fiancé, is one small
piece to a much bigger puzzle. That is
to say, a wedding day and ceremony are about marriage, and marriage is a
profound picture of the Gospel. They profound picture of Christ and His
relationship to the church
And
so, as a man and woman take their places within a marriage, they are stepping
into new vocations. As they say their vows, a brand new role in life is created
for them as a husband or a wife. However, we must keep in mind that as husband
and wife, there is an already established way in how these roles function. For
example, in marriage a husband and wife are certainly ‘not’ stepping into
positions where they will fight for dominance, power, and control over each
other, for this is not what the estate of marriage is about, and it is not how
Christ treats His bride, the church. Indeed, the role of husband and wife in
marriage is not combative, competitive, manipulative, or self-serving. But
rather, the roles of a husband and wife in marriage are places where the
husband and wife are sanctified in love and service to one another.
Let me
speak very specifically today to you married men and women. You have taken place within the estate of
marriage, where you are joined to one another. You are joined together
spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. Therefore, as you are joined to one
another, your roles in marriage are not where you strive to be the boss.
Contrary to the comedy shows we often watch, the relationship between a man and
woman is not a cage match fight to see who gets their way. Marriage is not characterized by conflict to
be supreme court manipulate the children to get your way, for this is not how
it is with Christ and His church. If there
is any conflict in marriage, it should not be between you and your wife, or you
and your husband. But rather, if there is any conflict, it should be against
the sinful nature within you. If there
is any conflict in marriage, it should not be with each other but against your stubborn-selfish-inward-seeking-pathetic-sinful-nature
that does not want to uphold your spouse.
Let me
state this as plainly and clearly as possible: Men, as you step into the Lord’s
estate of marriage, you become a husband.
And as a husband, you are called to deny your desire to callously assert
yourself, like a rooster strutting in the henhouse. Instead of being the King
of the Hill, you are called to die to your selfish desires, ambitions, and
dreams. You are called to lay down your life – your thoughts, words, and deeds
– for your wife. However, when you put
your wife number two while watching reruns of The Simpsons and drinking Miller
Light, you are not only demonstrating the exact opposite of what it means to
be a husband but are acting like a little boy.
Husbands,
Jesus today asks you to love your wives with the same sort of love that He has
for His church. It is a love that keeps
no record of wrongs. It is a love that
forgives and serves and does so with joy and gladness. It is a love that is
willing to sacrifice everything, even death if necessary. Yes, it is a love that is willing to die for your
wife – instead, if that death would perhaps occur in physically defending your
bride on a battlefield or perhaps even death through shopping with your wife at
Kohls.
And
today, Jesus not only asks you, husbands, to do this for your wives, but He
also gives Himself to you in His body and blood so that His forgiveness and love
might be in you and might be your love for your wife. What a profound gift!
And wives,
let me attempt to say this as plainly and clearly as possible. As wives within the Lord’s estate of
marriage, you are called to deny your desire to assert yourself through
manipulating your husbands’ responses.
As a wife, you are called to love and submit to your husband, just as
the Church herself delights in submitting to Christ, and Christ Himself submits
to the Father. However, when you sigh and
roll your eyes behind your husband’s back, while complaining to other women
about how he can’t do anything right, you are being the exact opposite of what
it means to be a wife. You are acting
like a cliquey mean girl from high school.
Wives,
today, Jesus asks you to love your husbands with the same sort of love that Christ’s
church is supposed to have for Jesus.
That love is a love that strives to please and to honor and be loyal to your
husband in all things. It is a love that
seeks to put the best construction on your husband - even if that means
excusing yourself from a group of women gossiping over yummy appetizers and
cocktails at a local bar’n’grill.
And
today, Jesus not only asks you to do this, but He also gives Himself to you in
his body and blood so that His love might be in you and might be your love for your
husband. Again, what a profound gift!
It
should be really clear right about now that marriage is not a magic pill
that you take, and everything is made instantaneously great. Furthermore, marriage is not a magic wand
that is waved over you by the pastor at the altar to make your fairytale dreams
come true. But rather, marriage is real,
it is gritty, and it grounds you in the good times and bad times. To the point, marriage is that age-old
institution that God first created to hold a bride and groom within. Since marriage is the Lord’s design, a bride
and groom not only belong to each other through love and trust but they belong
to Christ amid the good times and bad.
Marriage is that estate that holds a husband and wife in sickness and
health, poverty and riches, persecution and joy, repentance and faith.
And
so, husbands remember that you stand in the estate of marriage; therefore,
learn to die for your wife in self-sacrifice.
And more, confess your sins boldly and more boldly hear the forgiveness
of your sins in Christ, for He certainly died for you.
Wives
remember that you stand in the estate of marriage; therefore, learn to grant
respect and esteem to your husband. And
more, confess your sins boldly and more boldly hear the forgiveness of your
sins in Christ, for Jesus submitted to your sin on the cross, claiming them as
His own.
And
there you have it Baptized Saints! You
have just heard why marriage is like a profound mystery. Indeed, marriage is
like the profound mystery of Christ and His love for the church. Loving, dying, sacrificing, submitting, and
respecting… not competing, fighting, dominating, and manipulating. This is the profound-ness of marriage.
Husbands
and future husbands walk in this high, and holy calling of marriage as a
husband with your eyes fixed on the hope of Christ.
Wives
and future wives, walk in this high and holy calling of marriage as a husband
with your eyes fixed on the hope of Christ.
What a
high and holy calling, what a wonderful gift the Lord calls us into – a gift He
gives to us all!
The
Lord bless and keep you within the places you have taken as husband and wife, in
the profound mystery of marriage.
In the
name of Jesus. Amen.
Portions of this sermon are inspired by and indebted to Norman Nagel's sermon on Ephesians 5:21-33.
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